The Integrated Leader

June is like the Friday of a long anticipated weekend. An entry point into sun drenched days and elongated evenings, with the sun hovering in its orange hues just long enough to beckon us to slow down and soak it in.

It also comes with a not so subtle invitation to integrate. School years end. Calendars fill with celebrations, camps, internships, vacations, and family milestones. At the same time, work continues to ask for attention. We often respond by compartmentalizing. Work here. Home there. Family in one box. Leadership in another. But life often rebels against allocated constraints.  

For me June summons a louder reminder of integration. It is where conversations about my work day make their way to talks with my kids, and stories from home shape the perspective I bring into the rooms where I coach and facilitate. Rather than competing with one another, these parts start to  strengthen one another.

Perhaps that is why one theme has echoed through my coaching sessions, stakeholder meetings, and leadership programs this month. Leaders are becoming more aware of the different parts of themselves they bring into different situations, and they are giving more voice to each of those areas. 

Elevate

Who is running your show?

As kids and young adults we develop behavior patterns that become engrained in our trademark, signature style, and identity. They contribute to our success, relationship patterns, and failures. The blind spots show up in the areas where we no longer see which front-of-show part of us is making the choices.

In this work I get the privilege of sitting across from people and uncovering the parts of themselves that have a fierce grip. These are often strengths that become over-utilized in times of stress, pressure, and high-stakes environments and transmute into obstacles and derailers. In a recent executive coaching session, a client had the revelation that her pattern doesn’t align with the impact she intends to make. This new awareness coupled with the practice of integrating what does serve her led to a different set of actions in an otherwise stressful situation. She began to elevate from her automated patterns into an intentional leader-led choice.

Empower

Integration has also shown up in unexpected conversations this month. During one leadership program, a participant shared that she hesitated to speak up on a live-deal because she didn't want to sound like she was complaining. Another participant offered a perspective that shifted the room.

He spoke about his young daughter. He shared that becoming a father has fundamentally changed the way he communicates. His daughter doesn't apologize for having needs. She tells him when she is hungry, tired, frustrated, or needs help because she has zero seconds of any thought that  her voice does not matter. Watching her has challenged him to stop interpreting the expression of a need as anything more than that. He now communicates needs and expectations without judgement, and encourages the same from his team.  That is empowerment.  It happens when we stop checking our voice at the door for the sake of falsely managing perception. And it is a reminder that some of our greatest leadership lessons are learned at home, and our greatest teachers can be packaged in the smallest bodies. 

Results

The most meaningful results rarely come from learning a new leadership model. They come from integration. When leaders understand which patterns are serving them and which are no longer needed, they respond with greater intention. When they bring empathy learned at home into the workplace, conversations become more authentic. When they stop trying to be a different version of themselves depending on the room they are in, trust grows because consistency shows up.

This month reminded me that leadership is not something we turn on when we arrive at work and switch off when we leave. It is something we carry. The conversations we have around our dinner tables influence the questions we ask in coaching sessions. The resilience we build at work shapes how we show up for our families. The patience we practice with our children becomes the patience we extend to our teams.

Perhaps that is what integration really is. Not blending everything together until the boundaries disappear, but allowing every meaningful experience to shape the leader we truly are. Because when we stop compartmentalizing who we are, we begin leading from a place that is whole.

And that is where the most sustainable results are found.